[La versiรณn en Espaรฑol esta mรกs abajo, para los que hablan y leen espaรฑol (si pueden o quieren)]
I'll be honest.
Yes, I read everything, and obviously I'll bring up several things. Some of it affects me, others, others.
1- At first, it was just me and Vixy making fun of and ridiculing Random for what he was doing, yeah, really bad. It was later that I subconsciously became much worse.
2- Obviously, I NEVER forced him to join the collab. I just said it in a hurry. Yes, I responded poorly. That was my fault, but it DOESN'T mean I forced him.
3- I won't talk about the WhatsApp thing. Sometimes I did it to be annoying (because I'm really annoying, and probably hateful? I have no idea), but other times, I have no idea how to say it.
4- The comments I left on Newgrounds were obviously meant to be annoying.
5- Yes, I insulted you in the Discord messages. No one is immune to being "perfect," and in several ways, I'd be right, although I didn't even escape it, since I'm worse than you.
6- Did I insult you all the time because of your followers? Why do you have more followers than me? Nah, of course not. And I say the F4F thing because of my experiences (Especially on Scratch,
there you can easily get followers through F4F, and seeing the same thing here, I obviously thought it was about that, not selfishness, duh).
7- And as I've told you several times, why do you play along with me? If I've repeatedly told you and others that I'm in difficult situations, it's a different story for you to follow, although it was my fault for not doing anything to stop it.
8- What does Brawl Stars have to do with that? And yes, he tells you that I DIDN'T LIKE playing it because I got bored, because I've been playing it nonstop from 2019 to 2021 (just like Free Fire), and it wasn't until this year that I started playing it again, so,
Brawl Stars has nothing to do with the issue.
9- Obviously Guardian was going to regret it, why? Easily, because HE'S NOT EVEN A GOOD PERSON. He told me many times that he treats people badly just because (without thinking that he treated his partner horribly, because he felt like it).
Although I was a very nice person with him, he was literally the one who stressed me out, pissed me off, irritated me, and yet I still wanted him back the way he was. Why, after treating me badly all this time? Duh. Also, from my point of view, it's horrible to put the suicide attempts I wanted to make because of my difficult situation to your benefit. I mean, could this be considered psychological damage? I have no idea.
10- Hypocrite sometimes, but not all the time. I'd agree with you about the abuser, for you, honestly, but then with Vixy and Guardian, nah, obviously not. Sociopath, I believe you. Victim, nah. I speak without a filter, and I'm not saying "such and such people did this to me and I'm crying right now," nah.
Besides, I already knew you were going to expose me. After everything I'd done, I knew something was going to happen at some point, so it wasn't surprising.
Immature... I'd believe you if it were someone else, but you, obviously not.
I'm aware that I can cause harm to people, so I've been trying to see a psychologist, read books on emotional management, and, clearly, try to be a better person (one of the best dreams I've ever had).
They're not the only ones I've hurt, but MANY: Cinnamon (who used to be my sister, but because of my emotional dependency, I ruined everything), AnyChris (I started insulting him in 2023, and after a few days, he blocked me), Akuro (Although he tries to help me, I always think he's really trying to hurt me), HamtarOso (I blamed him on ONM Collab, where I was the one to blame), and my own friends from school.
But you, who from the beginning tried to help you, give you advice, you simply didn't want to do anything, you wanted to leave everything as it is, which, from my point of view (please respect) is wrong, from my point of view, I don't want to get into your situation, or "in your shoes" since it is very unlikely that I can feel what you feel, but, one thing is the fact that you are improving day by day, and that you try to be strong with others so that they respect you, but, simply writing on Bluesky that you want to commit suicide and that the world is not for you, I mean, why do you do it? Just like KungFuCarafu told me: "You are very young, you have a life ahead of you," and if your mental health does not allow it, the best thing is to take a break and try to improve! Since being on technology 24/7 means that many people can hurt people without realizing it, and others may do it for fun, technology doesn't always help.
The problem is whether you decide to act or not.
Also, I'll contact these people to at least "fix" what I can, and, if they want, end the friendship.
From my perspective, it seems a bit immature that they, especially in the document, show an emotional outpouring. In the end, that outpouring is shown too much, and I understand that.
But it shouldn't mean just "leaving without speaking to that person and not also acknowledging the problems you've had in that area." From my point of view, it's considered (cowardice and "manipulation of information"). I'm not talking so much about ElRandom, but about the other two. And here I am, saying all the bad things about myself (because I will always be honest and direct, although lies are also useful. For me, it's better for now to be honest and not hold a grudge against anyone, and I'm not doing it to look good, no, I'm doing it because it's the most mature and correct course of action.)
I won't beg for mercy or pity. I'll just say, if you want to insult me, do it now. I accept all kinds of insults. After all, everything that happened is over without consequences.
Likewise, as I said, I'll remain off Newgrounds. For everything I said, my mental health is horrible, and I know a lot of people hate me, which is normal.
The only thing I could ask is that they realize that, after all, I was the one who caused all of this, but they are also partly to blame, not just me (Don't come at me with this, I'm playing the victim, that's not the way it is).
And if they forgive me, it's up to them, not me. I will continue my fight to be a good and kind person, to treat others well, and, this past will come, don't interfere with it anymore.
Always the best, accepting the consequences, and that's why, "no one will believe me," obviously, no one will be able to believe me if I try to defend myself. In the end, as I said, it's your problem whether you believe me, I won't force anyone.
There are no good or bad people here, just people. (Oh, and the threats, well, obviously it was a TERRIBLE joke on my part. I never meant to leak information about her. I'm not a monster either, although sometimes Vixy also went too far, but I went even further with all the shit I did.)
P.S.: I accept both insults, criticism, and advice to help me move forward as a person, because, at the end of the day, "exposing" doesn't mean burning someone out just because. It can also imply helping that person with everything they did to be a better person. (Honestly, I think I'm saying this with a lot of maturity, admitting everything, because at the end of the day, maturity doesn't imply age, but rather how one realizes what one does and assumes responsibility as long as it's consciously from one's own being.)
I will wait patiently, and, as my friend Camii10 said (Who was also one of those involved in that, and I won't be against her, in case she doesn't want to talk to me anymore), and, I accept. That, and I have no idea if we'll leave friends behind (let's hope for what the future holds, but I don't think so): "I'll always be waiting for you. I hope that during this time of absence, you heal those wounds, enjoy those vacations to the fullest..."
Although, most likely, until I heal from my mental health issues, I won't continue interacting with the community.
Thanks to all my fans: @0CarlosYadielStudio0, @20PoorlyDrawnMario06, @707HTML, @ALunaticBoi, @AM-ZYNK, @AnassAnimationPro, @AnyChris (dead account, but idc), @B3ndyv1ru5, @Camii10, @Captain-Cheto, @CaioAdriel, @CatGuard, @CalamityGanon, @ChronoNG, @choconyan, @CoalBee123, @co0lkid98, @CornflakesIntestines, @CryptVoice, @DenoKeller, @DesertFOX135, @draininkiss, @ElMinxK, @Fwkaaaaa, @GeeGuy, @IGNITEDBOI, @JACKSNORMAL, @JAM-POWER, @Jeanioz, @JuanSe75, @Keico666, @KL21x, @KungFuCarafu, @Lizguy74, @Mafearts, @MarvinMacavity, @Michael-13, @meteorawolf, @MOHD5aqer, @MortalKombatPS2, @OnyxGalaria, @Peakyseer, @PLJerry, @Pryexel48, @RetSxM, @RogelisTheCat, @S4m1to64, @samuelrey20, @Sandris12, @SirMoony, @SkilledFanBoy, @SKArts, @Solito, @StitchMiss, @TinFoi, @ToxicBrain20, @Torrian1, @Triple-G, @Webtoon, @YellowbyteGames, @Zinnia999, @ZombieGhost, @blackwater99, @bisteca2007, @brostriderreal
These people: @AnassAnimationPro, @SkilledFanBoy, @Lizguy74 I still have to do the drawing for them, which I haven't been able to start TwT, but sooner or later it will be one of the best drawings I'll ever make! (and other drawings for: @StitchMiss, @choconyan, @CaioAdriel and @Camii10 :3)
And even though there are people who hate me, there's one person I love very much, who is one of the FIRST people who is truly helping and guiding me.
Malulo!: "I hope you have a great time, and if you make wishes, ask for everything to go well, and I hope they come true, and you mature and realize a lot of things. tkm." (My birthday)
Sayonara!
UPDATE: bruhhhhh
Do you really hate me so much that you even created a group called the "Mateo Hate Club"?
I'm trying to calm things down, without hating anyone, and you're organizing something like this.
And you still want to make me look like the only immature one?
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Voy a ser sincero. @VixyOnline, @Unknown7UNSFW, @ElRandomGMD
Si, leรญ todo, y, obviamente sacarรฉ varias cosas, algunas afectan a mi, otras, a los otros.
1- En un principio, eramos yo y Vixy burlandonos y ridiculizando a Random por lo que hacia, seh, muy mal, fue despuรฉs que me volvรญ mucho peor, inconscientemente.
2- Obviamente NUNCA lo obliguรฉ al entrar al collab, solo dije apurado, si, le respondรญ mal, eso fue mala mia, pero NO significa que lo haya obligado.
3- No hablarรฉ respecto a lo de WhatsApp, algunas veces si hacia por joder (porque soy muy pesado, y, probablemente odioso? ni idea), pero otras, ni idea el como decirlo.
4- Los comentarios que te dejaba en el Newgrounds son por molestar, obviamente.
5- Si, ahi los insultรฉ en los mensajes de Discord, nadie se salva de ser "perfecto", y, en varios apartados tendria la razรณn, aunque, nisiquiera me salvo, yo que soy peor que ustedes.
6- ยฟAcaso yo te insultaba cada rato por los seguidores? ยฟPor que tienes mรกs seguidores que yo? Nah, claro que no. Y digo lo de F4F por el hecho de experiencias (Sobretodo en Scratch,
allรญ se consigue facilmente seguidores por el F4F, y, al ver lo mismo aqui, pues obviamente iba a pensar que se trataria de eso, no es de Egoismo, duh)
7- Y como te dije varias veces, ยฟPor quรฉ me sigues el juego? Si yo te he dicho reiteradas ocasiones y a los otros que estoy en situaciones dificiles, ya es otro cuento que quieras seguir, aunque, si fue culpa mia
por no hacer nada para pararlo.
8- ยฟQue tiene que ver Brawl Stars con eso? Y si, te dice que NO ME GUSTABA jugarlo porque me aburrรญ, porque llevo desde el 2019 hasta el 2021 jugando sin cesรกr (al igual que Free Fire) y, fue desde este aรฑo que volvรญ a jugarlo, asique,
No tiene nada que ver Brawl Stars con el tema.
9- Obviamente Guardian se iba a arrepentir, ยฟPor quรฉ? Facilmente, Porque EL NISIQUIERA ES BUENA PERSONA, el me contรณ muchisimas veces que trata mal a las personas porque si (sin pensar que trataba horrible a la que era su pareja, porque se le daba la gana)
De por si, yo era muy bonita persona con el, pero, fue literalmente el que me estresรฉ, me empute, me irritรฉ, y aรบn asi queria que volviera como antes, ยฟPor quรฉ despuรฉs de haberme tratado mal todo este tiempo? duh, Ademรกs, por mi punto de vista, es horrible el hecho de poner los intentos de suicido que queria hacer por mi dificil
situacion a beneficio de ustedes, osea, ยฟEsto podria considerarse ya daรฑo psicologico? Ni idea.
10- Hipocrita en algunas veces, pero todo el tiempo, no. Lo de Abusador, te daria la razรณn, por ti, la verdad, pero despuรฉs con Vixy y Guardian, nah, obvio que no. Sociopata te lo creo. Victima nah, yo hablo sin filtro, y no digo que "tales personas me hicieron esto y estoy llorando ahora mismo", nah.
Ademรกs, ya sabia que me ibas a exponer, despuรฉs de todo lo que hice, sabia que iba a pasar algo en algun punto, no era de extraรฑarse.ย
Inmaduro... Te lo creeria si fuera otra persona, pero tu, obviamente que no.ย
Yo estoy consciente de que puedo ocasionar daรฑos a las personas, por lo tanto estuve tratando de acudir a psicologia, tratar de leer libros sobre manejo de emociones, y, claramente, tratar de ser mejor persona (De los mejores sueรฑos que he querido tener)
No son los unicos que le hice daรฑo, si no, A MUCHOS, Cinnamon (La que era mi hermana, pero, por mi dependencia emocional, arruine todo), AnyChris (Empecรฉ a insultarlo en el 2023 y despuรฉs de unos dias, me bloqueรณ), Akuro (Aunque trata de ayudarme, siempre pienso que enrealidad lo que esta tratando de hacer es hacerme daรฑo), HamtarOso (Le echaba la culpa en lo de ONM Collab donde la de la culpa era yo), y los propios amigos mios del colegio.
Pero tu, que desde un principio trate de ayudarte, darte consejos, simplemente no quisiste hacer nada, quisiste dejar todo asi como estรก, lo cual, desde mi punto de vista (porfavor respetar) esta mal, para mi punto de vista, no me quiero meterme en tu situacion, o "en tus zapatos" ya que es muy poco probable que yo pueda sentir lo que tu sientes, pero, una cosa es el hecho de estar mejorando en el dia a dia, y que trates de ser fuerte con los demรกs para que te respeten,
pero, de simplemente escribir en Bluesky que quieres suicidarte y que el mundo no es para ti, osea, ยฟpor quรฉ lo haces?, asi como me dijo KungFuCarafu: "Estas muy joven, tienes una vida por delante", y si tu salud mental no lo permite, Lo mejor es tomarse un descanso y tratar de mejorar! Ya que al estar 24/7 en la Tecnologia, muchas personas pueden lastimar sin darse cuenta, y otras pueden hacerlo por diversion, la tecnologia no siempre ayuda,
el problema eres tu si decides actuar o no.
Ademรกs, yo me contactarรฉ con estas personas para por lo menos "arreglar" lo que se puede, y, si ellos quieren, terminar la amistad.
Me parece en mi punto de vista un tanto inmaduro el hecho de que ellos, sobretodo en el documento, se ve un desahogo emocional, al final se muestra demasiado ese desahogo, y, lo comprendo.
Pero, no debe significar el hecho de solamente, "irse sin hablar de enfrente de esa persona y no asumir tambien problemas que se ha tenido en ese ambito", para mi punto de vista se considera como (cobardia y """manipulacion de informacion"""), no hablo tanto de ElRandom, si no de los otros dos, y yo, aqui, diciendo todo lo malo de mi (Porque, siempre serรฉ honesto, y directo, aunque, las mentiras tambien sirven, por mi, es mejor por ahora el ser honesto y no guardar rencor a nadie, y no lo hago por quedar bien, nah, lo hago porque es la accion mas madura y correcta)
Yo no suplicarรฉ clemencia, ni piedad, solo dirรฉ, si quieren insultarme, haganlo ya, acepto todo tipo, al fin y al cabo, todo lo que pasรณ ya pasรณ sin consecuencias.
De igual forma, como dije, seguirรฉ afuera de Newgrounds, por todo lo que dije, mi salud mental esta horrible, y, se que muchisimas personas me odian, lo normal.
Lo unico que podria pedir, es que se den cuenta, que al fin y al cabo fui yo el causante de todo esto, pero tambien ellos tienen parte de la culpa, no solo yo (No me vengan con que me ando victimizandome, eso no es asi)
Y que si me perdonan, es cosa de ustedes, no mio, yo seguirรฉ en mi lucha de ser buena y amable persona, tratar bien a los demรกs, y, que este pasado llegarรก, no interfiera mas con eso.
Siempre lo mejor, aceptando las consecuencias, y por eso, "nadie me creera", obviamente, nadie podrรก creerme, si yo intento defenderme, al final y al cabo, como dije, es tu problema si me crees, no obligarรฉ a nadie.
Aqui no hay ni personas buenas ni malas, solo, personas. (Ah, y lo de amenazas, pues, obviamente fue una PESIMA broma por parte mia, nunca quise filtrar la informacion de ella, no soy tampoco un monstruo, aunque, tambien algunas veces Vixy tambien se pasaba, pero, yo me pase mas con toda la mierda que hice)
P.D: Acepto tanto insultos, criticas, como consejos para poder avanzar mejor como persona, porque, al fin y al cabo "exponer" no significa quemar a una persona porque si, tambien puede implicar el ayudar a esa persona con todo lo que hizo para ser mejor persona (La verdad, creo que estoy hablando esto con mucha madurez, admitiendo todo, porque al fin y al cabo, la madurez no implica la edad, si no, el como uno se da cuenta de lo que uno hace y asumir la responsabilidad siempre y cuando sea conscientemente del propio ser)
Esperarรฉ, pacientemente, y, como dijo mi amiguita Camii10 (Que fue tambien una de las involucradas en eso, la cual, yo no estarรฉ contra de ella, de por si ella ya no me quiere hablar, y, acepto eso, y, ni idea si dejaremos amigos, esperemos que nos deparara el futuro, yo pienso que no): "Siempre te estare esperando, ojala en este tiempo de ausencia, cures esas heridas, disfruta al maximo esas vacaciones..."
Aunque, lo mas probable, es que, hasta que curรฉ de mis problemas mentales, no seguirรฉ interactuando con la comunidad.
Gracias a todos los miembros: @0CarlosYadielStudio0, @20PoorlyDrawnMario06, @707HTML, @ALunaticBoi, @AM-ZYNK, @AnassAnimationPro, @AnyChris (dead account, but idc), @B3ndyv1ru5, @Camii10, @Captain-Cheto, @CaioAdriel, @CatGuard, @CalamityGanon, @ChronoNG, @choconyan, @CoalBee123, @co0lkid98, @CornflakesIntestines, @CryptVoice, @DenoKeller, @DesertFOX135, @draininkiss, @ElMinxK, @Fwkaaaaa, @GeeGuy, @IGNITEDBOI, @JACKSNORMAL, @JAM-POWER, @Jeanioz, @JuanSe75, @Keico666, @KL21x, @KungFuCarafu, @Lizguy74, @Mafearts, @MarvinMacavity, @Michael-13, @meteorawolf, @MOHD5aqer, @MortalKombatPS2, @OnyxGalaria, @Peakyseer, @PLJerry, @Pryexel48, @RetSxM, @RogelisTheCat, @S4m1to64, @samuelrey20, @Sandris12, @SirMoony, @SkilledFanBoy, @SKArts, @Solito, @StitchMiss, @TinFoi, @ToxicBrain20, @Torrian1, @Triple-G, @Webtoon, @YellowbyteGames, @Zinnia999, @ZombieGhost, @blackwater99, @bisteca2007, @brostriderreal
Estas personas: @AnassAnimationPro, @SkilledFanBoy, @Lizguy74 Les tengo pendiente hacerles el dibujo el cual no he podido empezar TwT, pero, tarde o temprano serรก de los mejores dibujos que harรฉ! (y otros dibujos para: @StitchMiss, @choconyan, @CaioAdriel y @Camii10 :3)
Y aunque, haya gente que me odie, hay una persona que amo mucho, el cual, es de las PRIMERAS personas que realmente me esta ayudando y guiandome.
ยกMalulo!: "Espero q la pases super bien y si pides deseos pide q te vaya todo bien y espero se te cumpla y ya vayas madurando y dรกndote cuenta de varias cosas. Tkm." (Dia de mi cumpleaรฑos)
Sayonara!
UPDATE: bruhhhhh
ยฟEn serio me tienen tanto odio que hasta crearon un grupo llamado โMateo hate clubโ?
Yo intentando calmar las cosas, sin tirarle hate a nadie, y ustedes se organizan para algo asรญ.
ยฟY todavรญa quieren hacerme ver como el รบnico inmaduro?
Esto sรญ es una razรณn vรกlida para enojarme.
